Fifty full years. What's next?
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Photo @Blanche At the very least, turning 50 was a good reason to party. |
So, I'm 50.
It's not an easy age to be turning, that's for sure.
The day before my birthday I got an early morning message from a friend telling me to enjoy my last day in my 40s. While I was determined to do just that, I felt a twinge of sadness that stayed with me all day. Even after a full day and night of rewarding work and lots of dancing I shed a couple of tears at bedtime as I said a final goodbye to my 40s and, in my mind at that moment anyway, my youth.
On the day of my birthday I was emotional as well, but for the opposite reason. As I prepared for and then hosted a party at my tango studio (I love any occasion to celebrate and always throw a big party for my decade-changing birthdays) I was hyper-aware of how rich my life is and how many wonderful people I have in it. I felt loved and fulfilled and my heart was overflowing with gratitude.
Now, two days later, what I mostly feel is that, as many have said, 50 is of course just a number and a birthday is really just another day. I'm still me and I'm still doing pretty much the same things I was doing last week, last year and even last decade.
But a birthday, especially a milestone one, gives a person reason to pause and contemplate life so far, so I've been doing just that, looking at my past, present and future, examining my accomplishments and all I have to be thankful for as well as both my fear and acceptance of getting old.
While I know I'm still relatively young in body and spirit (thank you, dance and yoga!) it is damn hard to see and feel my body aging while I feel like I still have the soul of a person half my age. I loved being young and I still live to move and to dance and to enjoy life, so the sore joints, nagging injuries and lengthening recovery times after overindulgent late nights weigh me down.
Meanwhile, I appreciate the wisdom and self-assurance that come with age. It's liberating to care less and less about the judgements of others and live life more and more on my own terms. And there is just so much good stuff in my life. My days brim with music, movement and fascinating people. I have a wonderful, close, loving family including two kids who are growing beautifully into adulthood, generous and caring parents and a partner who is dedicated, loving and very skilled. Hey, I meant on the dance floor! Get your minds out of the gutter!
One of the hard parts is realizing I probably have more life behind than ahead of me now. I'm not by any means done with living and hope to stick around for a long time to come – if I stay healthy. My kids, on the other hand – both in their teens – have only just begun their lives and I wish every day that their futures will be long, happy and healthy – on a healthy planet.
Looking into that future beyond my own (still impossible to imagine, I must admit), I hope politics will change for the better and humans will learn to prioritize caring for the planet we live on over economic growth – before it's too late. (Good luck, I know, but I can hope.) I also try to have faith we'll soon oust such hateful leaders as Legault and Trump and bring in new ones who will steer us toward inclusive societies that celebrate diversity and contribute to making humanity more humane and humanitarian.
Now that would be a great birthday gift!
It's not an easy age to be turning, that's for sure.
The day before my birthday I got an early morning message from a friend telling me to enjoy my last day in my 40s. While I was determined to do just that, I felt a twinge of sadness that stayed with me all day. Even after a full day and night of rewarding work and lots of dancing I shed a couple of tears at bedtime as I said a final goodbye to my 40s and, in my mind at that moment anyway, my youth.
On the day of my birthday I was emotional as well, but for the opposite reason. As I prepared for and then hosted a party at my tango studio (I love any occasion to celebrate and always throw a big party for my decade-changing birthdays) I was hyper-aware of how rich my life is and how many wonderful people I have in it. I felt loved and fulfilled and my heart was overflowing with gratitude.
Now, two days later, what I mostly feel is that, as many have said, 50 is of course just a number and a birthday is really just another day. I'm still me and I'm still doing pretty much the same things I was doing last week, last year and even last decade.
But a birthday, especially a milestone one, gives a person reason to pause and contemplate life so far, so I've been doing just that, looking at my past, present and future, examining my accomplishments and all I have to be thankful for as well as both my fear and acceptance of getting old.
While I know I'm still relatively young in body and spirit (thank you, dance and yoga!) it is damn hard to see and feel my body aging while I feel like I still have the soul of a person half my age. I loved being young and I still live to move and to dance and to enjoy life, so the sore joints, nagging injuries and lengthening recovery times after overindulgent late nights weigh me down.
Meanwhile, I appreciate the wisdom and self-assurance that come with age. It's liberating to care less and less about the judgements of others and live life more and more on my own terms. And there is just so much good stuff in my life. My days brim with music, movement and fascinating people. I have a wonderful, close, loving family including two kids who are growing beautifully into adulthood, generous and caring parents and a partner who is dedicated, loving and very skilled. Hey, I meant on the dance floor! Get your minds out of the gutter!
One of the hard parts is realizing I probably have more life behind than ahead of me now. I'm not by any means done with living and hope to stick around for a long time to come – if I stay healthy. My kids, on the other hand – both in their teens – have only just begun their lives and I wish every day that their futures will be long, happy and healthy – on a healthy planet.
Looking into that future beyond my own (still impossible to imagine, I must admit), I hope politics will change for the better and humans will learn to prioritize caring for the planet we live on over economic growth – before it's too late. (Good luck, I know, but I can hope.) I also try to have faith we'll soon oust such hateful leaders as Legault and Trump and bring in new ones who will steer us toward inclusive societies that celebrate diversity and contribute to making humanity more humane and humanitarian.
Now that would be a great birthday gift!
Good luck for the after-50, but start preparing the 60 :-) As for "inclusive" society, this is very subjective thing, as I personally rather see the impressively powerful rise of censorship nowadays in the so-called "free society". I dare to say that true "inclusiveness" should mean respecting different views and fully accept the expression of opinions contrary to the main trend (today is the hard left, tomorrow maybe the right ?), including on sensible subjects like politics and religions. But , to me , we are going in the opposite direction, and as a member of a "bashed-minority", I feel this restriction on liberty of expression every day and getting more powerful. But anyway, may this 50-60 period be for you also a time of enjoyment with the people you love and the one you care about.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Claude, for the good wishes and the reply. Believe me, I am all for freedom of expression and respecting different views, and I feel that those are the exact things being quashed by the current administration here as well as in the U.S. and elsewhere. I also agree with you that there is stubbornness and closed-mindedness on both ends of the political spectrum. We all tend to believe our own views are the right ones and it's often hard to even listen to opposite opinions, let alone consider them. Someone once presented the left-right line to me as a circle, so if you went far enough in either direction you basically ended up in the same place. Anyway, maybe we can talk amicably about this in person some day … or we can just have a dance. ;) Also, it means a lot to know you read and think about what I write. Thank you.
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